pre-departure

Today I had such a good time with my teacher and my classmates. :) We went to Samcheongdong, and I realised that a year ago, I was there too on my last day in Seoul! I've come full circle, baby. Anyway, we had a lot of fun and it was so hard trying to hold back my tears when my teacher hugged me again. Really ... I owe my success to her. And because of her I now see the importance of being positive in front of students every day. It does make a huge difference to the student's learning.

I'd wanted badly to catch the sunset at Gwanghwamun again (as per last year) so I stood outside the gate for a long time. As I waited, I looked at the city lights and then I started tearing again. =.= I'm a sentimental fool. Seoul's not perfect, but it's a place I've come to appreciate for all its quirks, just like Yangon.

Had dinner with SY, my friend from HK. I first got to know her at orientation, when she approached me for help and we just ended up going grocery shopping and lunch together on the very same day! Since then we've become firm friends and study buddies ... I'm going to miss her so much.

I'm really thankful for the friends that I've made in this trip. I hadn't expected it, but my Aussie classmate's one of my closest friends in Yonsei. And also for the bonds strengthened - my friend of 3 years SC has finally started to speak banmal (informal Korean) to me, which shows a degree of intimacy, and I got to know my host dad's daughter well too; she's showered me with nothing but gifts since we started meeting for English conversation sessions. Cosmetics (like, WHY?!), coffee, dinner, BREAD ... she thinks of everything. I feel like I have a real elder sister ... T_T

In all, even though I'm loathe to leave everything behind - especially my studies - I think I'll have to do it anyway, like it or not. I must admit that I have, on MANY occasions, questioned God about this: why let me taste heaven, only to take it away from me? But I guess of all the possible answers I can get, one of them is probably so that I KNOW there is a heaven ... and what I experience and evaluate as 'heaven' is a mere tip of the unfathomable iceberg that is heaven, and that this life, no matter how enjoyable, is ultimately something that will pass away.

I'm determined not to lose whatever Korean I've learnt though! So I'm still going to write my diary every day (IN KOREAN), and do self-study! I must do it!!!! It'd be such a colossal waste to forget all that I've learnt! I actually bought extra books by accident, so I'm going to make the best of my post-surgery recovery period to study on my own!

As for work, nothing's on the cards yet and I'm all mentally prepared for it so ... I'll think about that later. :)

It's been a really wonderful break. I'm thankful. :)

in media res

Today was the last day of school.

Today, I told myself, today I will not shed a single tear.

It's all my teacher's fault. If only she hadn't wanted to give me a hug. If only she hadn't written the singularly most moving sentence I've ever seen in a long while to me. If only she hadn't had those tears in her eyes as well.

After school, I walked out alone and stood in the cold autumn air, alone. Students milled about me. Most were talking about lunch plans. Some were taking pictures with their friends. And all I could think of was ...

... I'm leaving.

I'm leaving something I love so much. The hurt and sorrow was overwhelming ... I just started crying there, in front of everyone.

Maybe I was being too dramatic but it's so hard for me to leave this behind. Actually, I'd already known this would happen. It happened in Myanmar 3 years ago and I knew, I just knew it would happen in Korea this time. That I would enjoy what I do so much that leaving would be such sheer pain. And yet I still submitted that application. I still made that conscious choice to have my heart broken this way. And now that my heart is in smithereens, I ask myself, why oh why do you do this to yourself?

I'm greedy. I want this to last a bit longer.

:(