(I did really well in the mid-term exams!)
I received my results today. I wasn't expecting to fail, but I wasn't expecting to do this well either:
Thank God, and I really have to thank my teacher too, who, I think, has been too kind and generous to me.
The exams were held over 2 days. On the first day I took the speaking and reading exams, and the rest on the second day. I honestly thought my speaking was a complete, utter, dismal failure. In class I could speak with a reasonable level of confidence, but during the exam I was a wreck. I dropped/mixed up all the Korean particles (e.g. subject/object/topic markers - bane of my life, prepositions etc) and at one point in time my teacher stopped to say this to me:
"Linda, particles are Level 1 grammar."
I sat there, stunned beyond words. Not a good thing to happen during a speaking exam!
After the speaking test, I sat by myself in the auditorium and reflected. Results aside, it dawned upon me just how woefully lacking I am in my proficiency. Again, I'm all okay in class, but throw me into the real world and I'm LOST. I know all my grammar stuff, I know all the vocab I need to know at my level, but I can't speak. It's a fact, and a fact that I can't hide from.
I felt really, really bad. I felt I had let my teacher down. I felt I had let myself down too.
The reading exam was ... easy. O.O Deceptively easy, because while I understood everything, I made minor mistakes in places that cost me marks.
After the exam I went home and immediately sat down to write in my diary. For the first time in a long while I didn't need to think too long about what to write; I had a topic, and it was about my reflections. So I wrote for about 2 hours. I wrote about how I realise my inadequacy in the language and how being good in class won't always translate to confidence in the real world. It took me a long time to check the dictionaries* but I finally penned down all my thoughts. I ended with this:
"I still enjoy learning Korean and I wish to continue enjoying my time here learning Korean."
* paper dictionary, phone app dictionary, Naver online dictionary, Google translate LOL
It was cathartic. I felt a lot better after doing it and I think being a perfectionist isn't good at times like this. It's no secret to anyone who sees the way I study ... I aim for perfection and excellence, because I believe it is worth every ounce of my effort to do this well. But maybe I was going overboard ahaha.
The next day, I did my writing exam which was again, deceptively easy. The writing exam is split into 2 parts: grammar and essay. The essay was worth 10 points out of 100 ... what?! LOL. Then came the reading aloud exam which I did pretty well in because I practised reading almost the entire night before (nerd alert) and the listening exam wasn't impossible but I knew there was a trap somewhere. Sneaky Korean!!!
After my exam I went for the school worship service and the bible study, both of which are conducted in Korean. The service was still manageable but the bible study ... my goodness, I was SO lost because I believe the language in the Bible is different from daily conversational Korean (which I already have problems with). And true enough, an extremely honorific (and dated) form of Korean is used, and it is not dissimilar to the Korean you hear in period dramas. Everyone was very nice and kind to me in the study group though. There was a teacher who tried to translate for me but she had to leave for class halfway, and then a Korean girl who speaks super good English took over the job. An American guy who speaks perfect Korean also tried to help me by telling me the references in English. But again, it was a reminder of how lacking I am. Anyway, after worship I had dinner with my friends from Hongkong and the Netherlands. We had Korean-style chicken, makkoli and ice cream. Haha.
And today we got our results.
My teacher was very nice when she analysed my speaking with me. As expected, she docked marks for my poor use of particles, but otherwise she thought I did well because I attempted (to a degree of success) a range of grammar and vocabulary taught in class. But I guess the most important reason why I did well was because I understood all her questions and even though I answered falteringly, I didn't need her to repeat her questions or translate them into English for me, because each time she had to do that she would take 50% off the score for that question!
So that was a really pleasant surprise! I didn't expect to do so well for speaking at all, (BTW she gave me an additional 1 mark after reviewing my speaking) but I know she was being really generous.
And that marks the end of the first half of the course. :)
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